  It is really, really, dangerous sledding in 'Torino 2006'.
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If mediocrity was an Olympic sport, Torino 2006 would be standing atop the podium, tears of pride streaming down its face while the national anthem of Dullsitania was played.
How is it possible that a 20-year-old dinosaur like Epyx' Winter Games, which me and my kidhood buddies used to play to death on a Commodore 64, was infinitely more fun than a current-gen Olympics title by a major sports game publisher?
Don't waste too much time thinking about it. And unless you're an absolute Olympics fanatic or the rental shelf at the video store is barren except for copies of Bad Boys: Miami Takedown, don't waste too much time playing this game, either.
Torino 2006 boats a respectable-sounding 15 events, until you realize several are carbon-copy variations of the same sport. Each of the three speedskating distances is a separate event, for instance, and the multiple bobsled and luge events are virtually indistinguishable from each other.
Also on tap are ski jumping, downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, biathlon and Nordic combined (cross-country skiing and ski jumping.) It's understandable that popular Olympic sports like hockey or figure skating are beyond the scope of a budget-priced title like this, but the sports that are represented here simply aren't much fun to play.
Torino 2006 can't even offer the spastic but hilarious button-flailing introduced in blister-inducing classics like Track & Field. In speed skating, for example, you do mash the buttons a bit for a fast start, but then you spend the rest of the race just carefully monitoring and adjusting your skater's energy level. It's exactly as exciting as it sounds.
The game's visuals aren't too bad, aside from the jerky animation, but the presentation is completely illogical (records are displayed in points instead of your best time, distance or what have you) and the commentary is utterly uninspired, recycling the same audio clips over and over.
But the game's worst crime is its inability to make us feel like we're actually in Turin, putting it all on the line for our country. You can switch countries midstream if you want, your computer opponents don't even have names, your player competes in both men's and women's events (wha?) and there's none of the pomp and excitement we'd associate with taking part in an Olympics.
With its simplistic controls and lack of any online multiplayer features, Torino 2006 boils down to a collection of sports-themed party games, minus the party.
There is one great thing about it, though: It spurred me to go track down a copy of the 8-bit classic Winter Games. Some things just get better with age.
BOTTOM LINE: Apparently movies aren't the only victims of quickie video game tie-ins. Turn off the game console and watch the Olympics on TV instead.
WHAM! Rating: |
3 out of 10 |
ESRB Rating: |
E (Everyone). |
Official Web Sites: |
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