There seems to be a lot of violence and hatred in the world of robots, from those BattleBots TV shows to the renegade androids in Blade Runner to the upcoming Will Smith action movie I, Robot, which is no doubt causing Isaac Asimov to spin in his grave or cryo-freeze chamber or whatever.
Maybe it's because our mechanical cousins take after us and our all-too-human failings, and copy our insatiable desire for causing harm to one another. Or maybe it's just because watching robots smash the crap out of each other is cool. Yeah, that's probably it.
Whatever the case, Nintendo's Custom Robo for the GameCube is the latest in a long line of video games that feature robot-on-robot war-waging. Interestingly, it's in the context of a futuristic society in which robot battles are an alternative to real-people conflicts, and the robots themselves are only 30 cm tall. Ha, ha! I laugh at your puny robot!
The single-player game casts you as a boy trying to do his pappy proud by becoming a skilled robot commander, competing in matches in "holosseums" against other robot handlers. Kind of like Pokemon, except without that chirpy, stripey yellow thing that shoots lightning bolts out of its butt.
Progressing through the single-player game is the only way to unlock many of the weapons and upgrades for your robots, ranging from new types of cannons, missiles and bombs to flying and dashing capabilities. The downside is the arenas are fairly small and sometimes make it difficult to take full tactical advantage of your robot's unique specs.
Once you've unlocked enough goodies to truly customize your robot, the multiplayer component of the game comes into its own. Which isn't surprising, since a lot of Nintendo's in-house titles these days seem to focus on multiplayer gaming - sometimes at the expense of a rewarding single-player experience.
While Custom Robo is a fun and frantic blast to play with friends, multiplayer matches tend to dissolve into a free-for-all of running, hiding behind cover and shooting, and they might not hold a lot of interest in the long-term. Plus, because Nintendo has zero interest in taking the GameCube online, it means you have to have three friends who are willing and able to come over to your house and plop themselves down in front of the TV for an hour or five.
Which is all fine and dandy if you're in junior high or whatever, but I'm a little resentful that we, the friendless hermits of the soulless corporate world, are not having our needs properly met by the wee purple lunchbox. I guess some of us will have to wait for a day when we can buy our own robot companions to play games with. I'm putting a deposit down on the Darryl Hannah pleasure model myself.
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BOTTOMLINE
With only a so-so single-player storyline, it's up to Custom Robo's fun but not particularly deep multiplayer modes to carry the game, and it turns out to be a little too much weight for these mini-bots to bear.
